The Blessing of Modesty
Interview with HaRav Shlomo Aviner
At the end of Parshat Balak, we encounter the plot of Bilaam to inflict damage on Am Yisrael via the immodesty of the women of Moav. Rabbi Shlomo Aviner, head of Yeshivat Ateret Yerushalayim, clarifies some of the laws of modesty in this interview with Rabbi Mordechai Tzion.
Q: Summertime is upon us when many women tend to dress more immodestly than during the winter months. What grade would you give to the Dati-Leumi public when it comes to issues of modesty in dress and behavior?
A: Unfortunately, not very high. This does not mean that, Heaven forbid, all the clothing is immodest, but a majority of women have one or two garments that are against the halacha (Jewish law).
Q: Don’t we measure things by the majority…
A: Not in this case. Just as we don’t go by the majority regarding Shabbat, or regarding a vegetable salad when most of it is kosher with only one or two worms. Rather, everything that Hashem has spoken, we shall do and obey. Everything must be modest.
Q: And what is considered modest clothing?
A: (a) That it covers everything. (b) That it is not tight. (c) That it does not attract attention by its shape or its color.
Q: What causes a God-fearing woman, including rebbetzins (wives of rabbis), to wear immodest clothes?
A: Two reasons, as written in the book Geder HaOlam of the Chafetz Chaim about modesty: laziness to dress according to the halacha, and the enticement of the evil inclination which persuades a woman to beautify herself in front of others.
Q: And what causes a woman to want to beautify herself in front of others?
A: The Maharal explains in Netiv HaTzniut that modesty is the result of humility. A humble woman, who does not want people to be impressed by her, is naturally modest.
Q: Many women who dress immodestly claim that they do so not because of its impact on others, but because that’s how they feel good with themselves.
A: They must make a true self-accounting: do they also dress that way immediately when they get up in the morning, or only when they go outside? On the contrary, the sages said that a woman should be beautiful at home for her husband, and covered when she goes outside. Happy is the modest woman; may Hashem bless her.
Q: And if she is single and therefore looking for a husband?
A: Nonsense. Does she truly want a husband who will choose her because of her body or because of her soul?! This is the rule: every woman and girl must make a personal accounting of what she gains from immodest clothing and what she loses.
Q: What about a man? Shouldn’t a man be modest too?!
A: Of course he should. See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch chapter 3: even when he is alone, and even at night, because the Holy One, Blessed Be He, fills the whole earth with His glory. But with a woman, it’s more severe.
Q: Why?
A: Because she sins and causes many others to sin. It’s both a transgression between man and God and between man and his fellow. How will she ask forgiveness from all the people she has caused to stumble?! Perhaps hundreds of thousands!
Q: But even if she is dressed very modestly, there are still men who will look at her.
A: True. But then it’s not her responsibility. However, if she is not modest, it is her responsibility. Nowadays it’s impossible to walk in the street; there’s no place to put one’s eyes. Even when leaving the synagogue on Shabbat, there’s nowhere to look because of the fashion display. It’s well known that the Vilna Gaon wrote in his letter to his wife that it is better for a woman not to go to synagogue at all. A woman is not obligated to go to synagogue, but she is strictly obligated to be modest.
Q: Let me get this clear. Is it better for a woman to come to synagogue in immodest clothing, or not to come at all?
A: Certainly not to come at all!
Q: Can a woman’s lack of modest dress lead other women to copy her example?
A: Yes, unfortunately. Of course, not every woman will ape her. There are women who are very modest. May Hashem bless them. They aren’t swayed by any passing fashion. And in general, they are not less wise, less active in the community, or less accomplished. But overall, the situation today is a catastrophe. Also in Haredi circles. One sees in old photographs how modestly religious women once dressed! How even secular, non-believing women dressed! How gentile women dressed! Wide clothing! Quiet colors!
Q: Is there any benefit in publishing an interview like this which many women will ignore? Some might even become angry.
A: If so, then this interview was not written for them. No one forces them to read it. It’s not for women who want attention because of their beauty, but for women whose fear of Heaven touches their hearts.
Q: What is the minimum that must be covered?
A: Why talk about a minimum? Why not a maximum? Do we eat a minimum? Do we buy minimal furniture? Do we earn minimal money? So why should the service of Hashem be minimal?! By the way, there are many women who are truly careful in all areas, even in all sorts of stringencies regarding kashrut of food, yet there is one area that is breached –modesty. The Vilna Gaon writes that modesty is the most important mitzvah for a woman. But one should judge them favorably, understanding that they are caught in a big illusion. By the way, the problem is not only with clothing, but also with excessive makeup, excessive perfume, pushing into conversations among men. Indeed, great repentance is needed. One must learn from Sarah our Matriarch and from all our biblical women of valor.
Q: For some women modesty is a burden.
A: Perhaps. So one needs strength and courage. The Torah was not given to people with an ideology of surrendering to their desires. Who is a hero? One who conquers his inclination. Furthermore, the mitzvot of the Torah are truly sweet and pleasant and beloved and delightful. A long sleeve brings happiness. A long dress brings happiness. Quiet colors bring happiness. A covered neckline brings happiness.
Q: What about a wig (sheitel)?
A: That is a dispute. Those who are lenient have opinions to rely upon, and those who are stringent, blessing will come upon them. But even the poskim (halachic authorities) who permit wigs never imagined the wigs of today, with colors and curls, with flowing styles and exaggeration. No halachic authority would permit today’s high-style wigs.
Q: I saw a pamphlet for young girls and teenagers called “Bnot Melachim” (Daughters of Kings), all about modesty. Isn’t that too young an age?
A: On the contrary – when pure education starts from a young age, it becomes deeply ingrained in the soul.
Q: In summary?
A: The important factor for a woman is not to fall into the vices of vanity and pride and seek to attract attention to her beauty, but rather to pursue the paths of humility and modesty, and to increase the soul’s yearning for greater closeness to God.
